Life happens, and life happens to your vagina. As magical and glorious as the lady space is, it, like yourself, is (sadly) not immune to the aging process. Some women aren’t fans of how their vaginas get looser with time, so they look for easy options to get all tight up in there again. Enter: a non-surgical ways to tighten your vagina!
But — what exactly is vaginal tightening? Will it turn you into a virgin again? Will it take back your awful first time with your high school boyfriend who permanently smelled like a ham sandwich? Are you given a brand-new, plastic Barbie doll vagina? And, more importantly, should you get your flower tightened up? Carolyn DeLucia, ob-gyn at New York’s VSPOT Medi-Spa (which, coincidentally, was founded by Cindy Barshop of Real Housewives fame) broke it down. Here’s what you need to know.
SO … WHY WOULD SOMEONE WANT TO GET HER VAG TIGHTENED?
Consider it fancy maintenance work on the real estate you own but aren’t about to sell. DeLucia calls it “vaginal management,” addressing to some issues women might face as they age, such as incontinence, dryness, a drop off in oestrogen, and – here’s the big one — a nosedive in sexual pleasure. “Our vaginas are not like rubber bands, they don’t just snap right back,” she says, citing laxity post-childbirth and gravity as two major causes of changes down there.
VSPOT Medi-Spa’s version of vaginal tightening — or “non-surgical vaginal rejuvenation,” as it’s technically called — is called the FemiLift (get it?) and she says it brings back elasticity and makes the vagina, yep, tighter, boosting sexual pleasure. It’s supposed to ~turn back time~ on your vagina without forcing you to relive the trauma of your twenties.
WHO GETS THESE LADY LIFTS, ANYWAY?DeLucia says she mostly sees women ages 30 to 35, although she has some patients that are up to 60 years old.
WILL IT CHANGE MY WEIRD LABIA?
First of all, your labia are probably fine. It’s important to note that vaginal tightening procedures are not about appearances — they’re not a labia lift — so they’re not going to change the way your parts look.
WHAT MAKES IT DIFFERENT FROM SURGERY?
One huge perk of non-surgical vaginal rejuvenation is in its name: It’s non-surgical. That means you can do it between picking up the kids from school and going to Whole Foods. DeLucia points out that surgical vaginal rejuvenation can have lots of drawbacks, from going under anesthesia to a long healing process to the fact that there’s an incision made in your most delicate parts. You also have to refrain from intercourse much longer, and once you do start having sex again, it can hurt.
SO … WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS?
You’re placed in the stirrups — much like you would in a gynecological exam. Then, a probe is stuck into you with a laser light, and it causes micro-injuries to the vaginal walls, forcing the vagina to repair itself and the tissue to regenerate. The walls become tightened, collagen is produced, and there’s increased friction too. That supposedly helps make sex better and give you more intense orgasms. Plus, the stronger, new tissue helps with bladder control, and the increased blood flow is supposed to help with lubrication. The procedure lasts about five minutes and is “virtually painless,” according to DeLucia, and the website says patients liken it to a pap smear. And afterwards, DeLucia says, you can scurry on to the gym.
WHEN CAN I HAVE THIS SUPPOSEDLY CRAZY POST-TIGHTENING SEX?!
That’s the only thing you can’t do immediately after the procedure. You have to refrain from intercourse for three to four days after the procedure, and you can’t use a tampon or a sex toy during that period either. Basically, keep stuff out of your vagina.
HOW MUCH STUFF DO I HAVE TO SELL ON EBAY TO AFFORD IT?
A single visit costs $1,150 — and VSPOT Medi-Spa recommends visiting three times to get results. A prepaid package, however, costs $2,950 (woohoo, savings!). The results last a year, so if you want to maintain your newly tightened V, then it can get really, really costly.
ARE THERE SIDE EFFECTS?
DeLucia says there aren’t any, though some women who are nearing or experiencing menopause might see some pink staining.
WHO CAN’T DO IT?
Pregnant women, for sure. “We don’t do it during pregnancy — we don’t do anything cosmetic during pregnancy, that’s just a given,” DeLucia says. She also doesn’t advise women who get frequent bacterial infections to get the procedure, and if a woman gets her period on the date of her appointment, she encourages her to to reschedule.
Other than that, “the only thing we ask women to do is make sure they have a normal pap smear within the year.”
If you’re trying to get pregnant, you’ll need to wait until three to four days later (when you can have intercourse) — and that would have to be after your third and final procedure.
OK, BUT IS THIS BASICALLY CINDERELLA SHIT FOR MY VAGINA? DO I TURN INTO A VIRGIN AND THEN REVERT INTO A PUMPKIN AT MIDNIGHT?
Uh, no. You won’t be a virgin again. Sorry.
SO … DOES IT WORK?
A woman got in the U.K. got a laser vagina lift (which sounds pretty similar to this one) and swore it made her sex life crazy good. So why aren’t people getting more of them if it sounds so miracle-inducing? “The only obstacle we have now is that it’s taboo,” says Barshop, who prides VSPOT Medi-Spa on its ability to help women achieve sexual pleasure.
But the cost likely makes it extremely limiting for many women. And though it is FDA-approved, there are probably a fair amount women who don’t want lasers in their vaginas.
Ultimately, it’s up to a woman to decide what she wants to do to her vagina and how she wants to own her pleasure. If vaginal tightening is not your thing, then, hey, remember that there are other ways to bring some heat into the bedroom, and it’s never to late to perfect your O. If vaginal tightening is your thing, then more power to you, and may the vaginal laser force be with you.
And of course, as with any vagina-related procedures, it’s probably best to talk to your own doctor, especially since there’s not a lot of research out there about non-surgical vaginal procedures.