By now, we all know that acne doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care about how old you are, what your race or gender is. It doesn’t care what season or what time of month it is — it’ll just pop up in the most inappropriate moment and ruin your life.
It also doesn’t discriminate when it comes to where on your body it can crop up. Someone once told me that the only place you can’t get zits is on the palms of your hands and the pads of your feet, which leaves a whole lot of body skin for acne to f*ck up. If you thought bacne and buttne were the worst, let’s talk about something even worse — namely, vagne.
Vagina acne — or vagne, as I fondly refer to it — is when you get blemishes on your, you guessed it, vag. Don’t get all grossed out by it: Chances are, if you’ve ever had an ingrown hair, you’ve had one of these pus-filled suckers just hanging out down there.
Since bumps or blemishes down there are the antithesis of sexy, I touched base with Carolyn A. DeLucia, gynecologist at VSPOT MediSpa for some quick tips on how to keep vagne from destroying every ounce of happiness you’ve ever had.
What’s the difference between a pimple down there and an ingrown hair?
Turns out, there isn’t much of a distinction at all.
Traditionally, a pimple is just an inflamed area of skin filled with pus, which is a result of an oil gland getting infected with bacteria. They’re caused by over-activity by oil glands, which are located at the base of a hair follicle.
According to Dr. DeLucia, an ingrown hair is the same as a pimple, but it also has a hair inside. That’s why your ingrown hairs get all nasty and red — they just have a little baby hair that hasn’t emerged from its skin cocoon.
Where do vag zits even come from?
Turns out, there are a myriad of reasons for these guys cropping up at inopportune moments. A variety of things can bring on vagne — hormones, detergents, bacteria. An ingrown hair, unlike a vagina pimple, is caused by attempting to remove a thick, coarse hair via shaving or waxing. Razor bumps, your other BFF from down under, can be caused by shaving and waxing, too.
OK, so I just discovered a zit on my cooch. What should I do about it? Should I swear off ever having sex again?
Just like the pimples on your face, Dr. DeLucia advises leaving any blemishes down there alone. If it has a whitehead and you can’t bear the sight of it, you can apply a warm soak to the area twice a day. You can also dab on a topical antibiotic, like Neosporin or Bacitracin, on the offending pimple.
If there’s no whitehead or it’s just an ingrown hair, try a pad designed to clean the area. Bikini Bump Blaster pads are loaded with salicylic and glycolic acids to exfoliate and clean.
Um, so it’s still not going away. Help!
If your El Diablo vagina zit isn’t going away with home treatment, you should go see a dermatologist. This is even more obvious if the zit is large (think peanut M&M territory) and hurts like a MOFO.
Additionally, if the zit isn’t gone within a week, make an appointment with a doctor STAT.
I couldn’t help myself, so I popped it. What should I do?
Didn’t your mom tell you to leave your skin alone? Or at least my mom did.
It’s no different for your vagina. If you see something strange, leave it the f*ck alone. The only time your hands should be down there are when you’re watching Michael Fassbender’s ass do miraculous things in “Shame”
“Although most people want to pop pimples, it’s not a method that can provide long-term results,” explained Dr. DeLucia. “It can cause more pimples or ingrown hairs.”
Before a pimple is popped, that bacteria is nice and contained. When you pop it, the bacteria in there seeps out and lands inside other pores, therefore potentially leading to more pimples. Additionally, you can force the sh*t lodged in there even deeper in your skin, or introduce it to even more bacteria (like the kind hanging out on your finger).
If you already popped that sucker, keep it from getting infected by cleaning the area and applying a pimple cream laden with salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide. You can even use the same zit cream you use on your face. Just keep it external, and maaaybe avoid acids?
Should I just let my bush grow out if I keep getting breakouts down there?
Girl, feel free to rock the bush if you want, but you don’t have to. If you’re concerned about breakouts, you can opt for a wax formulated specifically for sensitive skin. You can also just go for my personal recommendation, which is lasering off any hair down there for ultimate smooth greatness.
Or, you know, rock the bush. Whatever your flavor is.
Keep your hands firmly above the belt, ladies. The only thing that’s worse than a stray vagina pimple is full-blown vagne.