People say communication is the key to a successful relationship. No arguments here, but physical intimacy also ranks high on the list. Whether you’ve been married to a woman for over a decade or are a few dates in with someone new, sex plays an undeniably big role in how the two of you connect. So when your girlfriend, wife, or latest fling doesn’t want to hit the sheets, something is probably up.
Barring any major relationship issues, it’s easy to think she just isn’t feeling attracted to you. Before you start feeling too lousy about yourself, know there are some much more complex issues at play. We recently chatted with Cindy Barshop, former star of The Real Housewives of New York City and CEO of VSPOT Medi-Spa, and Dr. Carolyn DeLucia, a gynecologist who works with VSPOT, to talk about the reasons women might not feel like being intimate.
This duo had quite a bit to reveal and, while they acknowledged some complications are more difficult than others, they’re working to help women feel more empowered when it comes to their sex lives by seeking out appropriate treatments and maintaining an honest conversation with their partners. Acknowledging these complications is the first step to starting the discussion.
It’s not uncommon for your sex life to suffer after starting a family, even if it’s just because your wife or partner is too exhausted to do anything but sleep after crawling into bed. And if your kids are close by, you might feel like you don’t have enough privacy to get busy between the sheets. “We’re distracted by the actual impact, emotionally, of raising a family and knowing those children are in the next room,” DeLucia explained. Worrying about your 3-year old hearing the two of you going at it definitely puts a damper on things.
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And don’t forget about the possibility that many women are focused on their careers and may be flying solo as a parent. This was the case for Barshop. “I’m a mom of twins and I really wasn’t dating a lot,” she said. “I basically didn’t have the mindset to date. I was like, ‘I’m fine. I’ll do it later on.’” If a woman hardly has time to get together for dinner, it’s likely she isn’t going to make beeline for you bedroom.